Blurry Christmas Trees

Hey Griswold, where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?

This holiday season, we're not doing the dinky aluminum tree from the attic. We're going FULL GRISWOLD FAMILY CHRISTMAS. Out into the wilderness. Past the tree farm. Past the "No Trespassing" signs. Deep into squatch territory where the good ones grow.

Welcome to Blurry Creatures Tree Co. Pine. Cedar. Fir. Spruce. Hand-selected from forests so remote, our delivery driver has never been photographed clearly. He's big. He's hairy. He doesn't take credit cards. But he knows a good Noble Fir when he sees one, and he'll drag it through six miles of frozen timber just for you.

You want a tree that looks great? Go to Michaels. You want a tree with a story—one that came from the same hollow where something answered your wood knock at 2am? You come to us.

It's a beaut, Clark. A real beaut.

This Christmas tee is as soft as fresh snow. Perfect for chainsaw-wielding tree retrieval, untangling 25,000 Christmas lights, and muttering about your bonus check.